Because I have never read an "about me" section in my life

But, I do receive about as many beard questions now as I did before I shaved, so here we go. 

Q: How long did it take you to grow. 

A: As pictured, about three years. 

Q: Do you groom it? 

A: Yup. I used a gentle, oil-rich beard soap and barely-scented oil, using a massive, wooden pick to comb it and a brush to distribute the oil evenly.

Q: Do you compete? 

A: I did a couple competitions. They're really just an excuse to party. Or to do fun little interactive side projects like America's Beard.

Q: Why did you shave it? 

A: It was older than my son, and I figured he should get to know the lower half of my face.

Q: Isn't it hot? 

A: Oddly, it's cooling during the summer. Shades the whole area. Even protects from sunburns. 

Q: Just show me the beards.

A: Okay.